b side

another day in denmark.  i'm really not in a hurry to change my schedule.  prior to april of this year i had been daydreaming about free time for four years.  no kidding.  it was like anytime i met a new person or thought about someone i knew who did not have young kids i would imagine all of the flexibility they must have with their time.

i bet she just sits and drinks her coffee and looks out the window for hours.

they can talk to one another at dinner time.

he probably reads... before 11 o'clock at night.

and now i have hours during the day when the boys are at school, all to myself, and i love it.  maybe i'll tire of it at some point, but probably before i do, i will fill up my days with obligations, a little bit at a time, until i start wondering where all of that glorious free time went.  i took one step toward that today by visiting the guidance office at roskilde university.  i didn't get many answers to the questions i had specific to the master's programs i'm interested in...  i have to make another appointment with other counselors for that.  and she couldn't tell me anything more about these mysterious tuition waivers that i would need to follow through with this plan, but i learned the basics, and i'm left trying to answer the question-- 'do i really want to go back to the land of papers and exams and textbooks?'  the ambitious side of me says, definitely.  the practical side of me... the one who has to live with the decisions the ambitious side of me makes, says no, savor this free time for as long as you possibly can.

i pretty sure i'm a type B personality trapped inside a type A personality. or the type B conjoined twin of some invisible ambitious type A who drags me around against my will, committing us to one lofty goal or another without my consent, and then, when the work comes around, reminds me that we're both in this together, when all i really wanted to do was drink my coffee and stare out the window.  i'm not sure how this happened.  maybe because i'm a gemini.

anyway, i'll figure it out somehow and try to listen to the laid back side.  but i'll probably still make appointments with those other guidance counselors just in case i can convince that side of me to go along for one more round... or just in case i can be convinced... whichever.