fear not

i'm realizing with some embarrassment that i didn't leave the house today except to walk up the little berm (if i'm using that landscaping term correctly) to go do my cooking duties at the common house.  it was mostly about onions today folks.  and apples. and peppers. and cucumbers.  but that was all after three p.m.  earlier, i stayed in and did some research for a second little article i will (pending my research) be writing on an upcoming election in denmark.  it pertains somewhat to family law, and as that was an old favorite of mine, it's kind of fun research.  i also did yoga because i vowed to do it at least twice this week.  i have been feeling extra achy and sore lately which is part of the reason i have been a bad blogger lately.  as someone who's had a rather serious disease, i think of myself as now extra willing to take on the minor colds and flus, not to mention more serious, yet preferably curable illnesses, with little complaint.  the problem is, after you've had a rather serious disease that can come back (or not!), seemingly at random, in a much more deadly form, interpreting those aches and pains, deciphering those minor illnesses from the big dreaded one, becomes a lot harder to do.  give me the flu by all means, but please, let me know it's just the flu.  so it becomes a bit of a mental exercise.  exercise in the sense that i cannot get lazy and let my thoughts go into overdrive.  i have to at least remember to tell myself that just because i'm thinking something, doesn't make it true.  at the same time, i do have to do the work of deciphering my aches and pains, as the manifestation of my fears is a bodily one (i think those were the words of my therapist... who i see about managing my fears while doing the work of deciphering the aches and pains).

a process...

that takes work...

to find and maintain a balance.