ramblings

it is such an unusual occurrence these days when i find myself without one of my children near my side, that when it does happen, such as this morning after dropping william off at school (henry was returning library books with greg), i get the unsettled feeling i had in the beginning of their days going off each morning without me.  perhaps the feeling of 'why again, are they going this way and i going that?  after all, we do pretty good as a team that sticks together day in and day out.'  i can't say that our choice to do the overwhelmingly danish thing of putting our guys into daytime care is the right choice or the wrong choice or if there is a right or a wrong choice, but i can say that without it, none of the three of us would know danish, we would have fewer friends, and we would, of course then, feel less a part of this country we've lived in now for over a year.  at least i can go to the grocery store and when the cashier rings up a tub of yogurt i did not pick out, i can tell her semi-confidently in danish that it is not mine, and i can even understand the woman behind me who says it is not hers (though it doesn't hurt that she shakes her head at the same time)... all this i should be happy about, even if i cannot then understand the man in front of me when he responds to the question, so that i mistakenly believe it is not his either and give an amused look of surprise ("well where on earth did that yogurt come from then?!"), which the cashier probably took to be a look of incredulity ("well where on earth was your head when he set that yogurt down for you to scan?!")... oh well.  i am redeemed when i go to their school in the afternoon and speak longer to the head of the school than perhaps i've spoken to anybody in danish, outside of class.  but then i lose my confidence and become a bystander once more, when, on the way home from school, stopped at the little playground by the grocery store, we see a boy of 11 or 12 crash his bike not far from us and i don't go to help him because, though it is my first instinct to do so, i judge by his age that he will not understand very much english and i will have to explain to him in danish that i don't understand that much danish but can i help him and at some point in the conversation we will find ourselves at an impasse and isn't that more than he needs right now what with a bike on the ground and a sore wrist and knee.  i think these thoughts in the few seconds it takes me not to move from my spot and i feel like kind of a failure in front of my kids... a poor role model, at the very least.  bother.

but william can build the danish and swedish (colors slightly transposed) flags out of legos, so i'm feeling pretty good about that...

and henry can carry his bike... 

and we can all sit together, out of focus but happy... 

and that's pretty cool too.  i will role model like a pro tomorrow.