a sort of monday

there are those days as a mom where i think, 'if, at some point, my life must flash before my eyes, or in some alternate universe, the lives of others, then let us feature this day. i was fun... i laughed and sang and danced with my kids... i didn't utter a single thing i regretted... and they in turn were perfectly behaved, or if they weren't, i laughed and ever so gracefully turned them back on the right path. and it was all... so... effortless.'

well, this wasn't one of those days.

there are other days where you get it all done, you say the right things, you're a model of patience and kindness, and your kids have a good time. but it took work, and it felt like work and you are drained by the end but proud of your perseverance.

it wasn't one of those days either.

no. this was one of those days that took work and felt like work, and i was poorly equipped for its challenges. we all survived. unscarred so far as i can tell. no unkind words that i can recall. but as soon as greg was home i had to retreat. just go. lay in bed. read. close my eyes. wonder where my energy comes from and why it abandoned me today, while greg cooked dinner and william watched a movie and henry was forced to containment in the ergo on greg's back. it was a good dinner. the kids are asleep. the dishes are done. the house is clean. but... yet... if i had the will to, i'd want to go back and do it over. but i don't.

let this day be done and do better tomorrow.